第78章

Sh prfctly rrd vrythng that had passd n convrsaton tn Wckha and hrslf,n thr frst vnng at Mr.Phllps's.Many of hs xprssons r stll frsh n hr ory. Sh as no struck th th proprty of such councatons to a strangr, and ondrd t had scapd hr for. Sh sa th ndlcacy of puttng hslf forard as h had don,and th nconsstncy of hs profssons th hs conduct.Sh rrd that h had oastd of havng no far of sng Mr.Darcy—that Mr.Darcy ght lav th country,ut that h should stand hs ground;yt h had avodd th Nthrfld all th vry nxt k. Sh rrd also that,tll th Nthrfld faly had quttd th country,h had told hs story to no on ut hrslf;ut that aftr thr roval t had n vryhr dscussd;that h had thn no rsrvs, no scrupls n snkng Mr. Darcy's charactr, though h had assurd hr that rspct for th fathr ould alays prvnt hs xposng th son.

Ho dffrntly dd vrythng no appar n hch h as concrnd!Hs attntons to Mss Kng r no th consqunc of vs solly and hatfully rcnary;and th docrty of hr fortun provd no longr th odraton of hs shs, ut hs agrnss to grasp at anythng. Hs havour to hrslf could no hav had no tolral otv;h had thr n dcvd th rgard to hr fortun, or had n gratfyng hs vanty y ncouragng th prfrnc hch sh lvd sh had ost ncautously shon. Evry lngrng struggl n hs favour gr fantr and fantr; and n farthr justfcaton of Mr. Darcy, sh could not ut allo that Mr. Bngly, hn qustond y Jan, had long ago assrtd hs lalssnss n th affar; that proud and rpulsv as r hs annrs, sh had nvr, n th hol cours of thr acquantanc—an acquantanc hch had lattrly rought th uch togthr, and gvn hr a sort of ntacy th hs ays—sn anythng that trayd h to unprncpld or unjust—anythng that spok h of rrlgous or oral hats;that aong hs on connctons h as std and valud—that vn Wckha had allod h rt as a rothr,and that sh had oftn hard h spak so affctonatly of hs sstr as to prov h capal of so aal flng;that had hs actons n hat Mr.Wckha rprsntd th, so gross a volaton of vrythng rght could hardly hav n concald fro th orld;and that frndshp tn a prson capal of t, and such an aal an as Mr. Bngly, as ncoprhnsl.

Sh gr asolutly ashad of hrslf.Of nthr Darcy nor Wckha could sh thnk thout flng sh had n lnd, partal,prjudcd,asurd.

“Ho dspcaly I hav actd!”sh crd;“I,ho hav prdd yslf on y dscrnnt! I, ho hav valud yslf on y alts!ho hav oftn dsdand th gnrous candour of y sstr, and gratfd y vanty n uslss or laal strust! Ho hulatng s ths dscovry!Yt, ho just a hulaton! Had I n n lov,I could not hav n or rtchdly lnd! But vanty,not lov,has n y folly.Plasd th th prfrnc of on, and offndd y th nglct of th othr, on th vry gnnng of our acquantanc,I hav courtd prposssson and gnoranc,and drvn rason aay,hr thr r concrnd. Tll ths ont I nvr kn yslf.”

Fro hrslf to Jan—fro Jan to Bngly,hr thoughts r n a ln hch soon rought to hr rcollcton that Mr.Darcy's xplanaton thr had appard vry nsuffcnt,and sh rad t agan.Wdly dffrnt as th ffct of a scond prusal.Ho could sh dny that crdt to hs assrtons n on nstanc,hch sh had n olgd to gv n th othr?H dclard hslf to totally unsuspcous of hr sstr's attachnt;and sh could not hlp rrng hat Charlott's opnon had alays n. Nthr could sh dny th justc of hs don of Jan.Sh flt that Jan's flngs,though frvnt,r lttl dsplayd,and that thr as a constant coplacncy n hr ar and annr not oftn untd th grat snslty.

Whn sh ca to that part of th lttr n hch hr faly r ntond n trs of such ortfyng, yt rtd rproach,hr sns of sha as svr.Th justc of th charg struck hr too forcly for dnal,and th crcustancs to hch h partcularly alludd as havng passd at th Nthrfld all, and as confrng all hs frst dsapproaton, could not hav ad a strongr prsson on hs nd than on hrs.

Th coplnt to hrslf and hr sstr as not unflt. It soothd, ut t could not consol hr for th contpt hch had thus n slf-attractd y th rst of hr faly;and as sh consdrd that Jan's dsappontnt had n fact n th ork of hr narst rlatons,and rflctd ho atrally th crdt of oth ust hurt y such proprty of conduct, sh flt dprssd yond anythng sh had vr knon for.

Aftr andrng along th lan for to hours, gvng ay to vry varty of thought—r-consdrng vnts, dtrnng proalts, and rconclng hrslf, as ll as sh could, to a chang so suddn and so portant, fatgu, and a rcollcton of hr long asnc, ad hr at lngth rturn ho; and sh ntrd th hous th th sh of apparng chrful as usual, and th rsoluton of rprssng such rflctons as ust ak hr unft for convrsaton.

Sh as datly told that th to gntln fro Rosngs had ach calld durng hr asnc;Mr.Darcy,only for a f nuts, to tak lav—ut that Colonl Ftzlla had n sttng th th at last an hour, hopng for hr rturn, and alost rsolvng to alk aftr hr tll sh could found. Elzath could ut just affct concrn n ssng h;sh rally rjocd at t. Colonl Ftzlla as no longr an ojct; sh could thnk only of hr lttr.